Annual Christmas Rant
Every year, it seems, the Christmas music starts earlier. This is fine with me, as I love Christmas music–that is, most Christmas music. There are three songs that I absolutely loathe. The first two barely deserve a mention, as I loathe them simply because they’re remarkably irritating, and they are: “Simply Having a Wonderful Christmastime” by Paul McCartney and “Happy Christmas (War is Over)” by John Lennon and Yoko Ono. They’re annoying. I hate them. Moving on.
The third song deserves more attention–and it gets it, since I go on this tirade every year–because it is downright offensive. “We Wish You a Merry Christmas” is utterly vile. I know you’re wondering what can be so bad about it; well, I’ll tell you. It’s the following lines:
“Oh, bring us some figgy pudding…
We won’t go until we get some…”
Oh? So you’re making me get off my lazy behind, get dressed, go to the door, and listen to your tone-deaf caterwauling, and you won’t get out of my doorway until I give you some of my food? Fuck you. I bet you’ll leave if I turn the hose on your grinning faces.
See, we talk about the greed of Christmas today, but this song is from the 16th century. Christmas has been about greed for a long, long time. President-Elect Obama has promised change (at least, I think I recall him mentioning it once…), and I hope he does the right thing and stamps this song–and the horrible greed it promotes–out for good!
Funny, funny stuff. Totally agree.
You need to post this on facebook so Daniel can read it. He HATES Christmas music.
I generally loathe Christmas and especially Christmas music. Hearing the same songs over and over drives me ever closer to total madness.
The only exceptions, musically, are satires of Christmas songs, e.g. the H. P. Lovecraft Historical Society’s “Carol of the Old Ones” (and much of their “A Very Scary Solstice” album), and Weird Al Yankovic’s “Christmas at Ground Zero”.